


Baby Steps

by camichats



Series: Imagine James and Sirius Prompts [136]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Good Boyfriend James Potter, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, James Potter Lives, M/M, Resurrection, Second War with Voldemort, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:21:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23637481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camichats/pseuds/camichats
Summary: James comes back to life, takes one look at Sirius, and decides that he's going to make him be happy again if it's the last thing he does.
Relationships: Sirius Black/James Potter
Series: Imagine James and Sirius Prompts [136]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/752925
Comments: 20
Kudos: 265





	Baby Steps

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt: “James comes back to life and realizes that Sirius, while being strong and tough as always, is also touch-starved but afraid of being close to people because touch always meant pain and now Sirius is back in Grimmauld Place because of Dumbledore and neither he nor James can bear it so James makes sure to take care of Sirius and get him used to being loved again, while also being extremely protective of his husband (sorry, I have a thing for protective James). Thank you!”

Sirius wasn't used to people touching him anymore. When he was a kid, Orion and Walburga didn't 'believe' in it. Him and Regulus used to hug sometimes, and when they were really small, sometimes Reg would crawl into his bed after a nightmare. Becoming friends with James had completely turned that around in Hogwarts, and the marauders had been comfortable with each other, nudging and hugging whenever they bloody well felt like it. They'd gotten married, and they could hardly be in the same room with out an arm around each other or a hand on the other's shoulder. 

But then James and Lily and Regulus were all dead, Peter had betrayed them, and Remus was in the wind, either _with_ Fenrir's pack or running away from them. And Sirius... well, he'd been in Azkaban for twelve years. Nobody touched him. He barely ever saw another human face, just a few times a year when Fudge would check in on the high security prisoners. He always felt most human when Fudge visited, but that was mostly because it brought Sirius a smidgen of joy to freak him out. Fudge would always leave after a few minutes, and all Sirius had was the company of Dementors, who made him feel like he'd never touched another living being in his entire life. 

He wasn't going to let his own sodding problems interfere with Harry though, so he made a point to hug him every time he saw him. Merlin knows the kid needs it. 

And now, somehow, James was back. There had been some spell that hit the Veil and the next thing everyone knew, James Potter was falling out of it, alive and looking exactly the way he had before he'd gotten killed. It had been a few days, and Sirius still didn't know what to think about it. James had spent most of that time getting shuffled from St. Mungo's to the Ministry and back, and since Sirius was still a fugitive, he couldn't go with him. Not that he wanted to. Remus and Harry and all other sorts of people were keeping him company as he got used to being alive again, and James was-- if not happy-- okay with it. Remus gave him updates, which mostly consisted of fire messages that James thought he was fine and wanted to go home and everyone else had to force him to stay put for the tests and questionnaires and whatever the hell else they were doing. Sirius wondered if James had asked about him. It used to be that you couldn't tear Sirius away from his side, and while he still felt that way (or close to it, at least), he wasn't the same person James had fallen in love with. 

So that's why Sirius was here. Laying on the floor of the Grimmauld Place dining room, staring at the ceiling. That was another thing that he hadn't gotten used to yet: soft beds. He couldn't do it even though he'd been staying in this fucking place for nearly a year. Laying on tile was about as good as it got. 

He heard Kreacher's shuffling steps, and then the house elf started to mutter, "Filthy blood traitor son of Mistress getting the floor dirty. Poor Kreacher keeps it clean and he does not-" 

"Sod off, Kreacher," Sirius said, and Kreacher turned around and started ambling away, talking about how distressed Walburga would be if she could see the house like this. Sirius rolled his eyes, then went back to feeling nothing but cold from the floor creeping up into his bones. It didn't feel good, but it felt familiar. 

He stayed there for a while, and he would've stayed there longer if he didn't hear the front door open and people start pouring in. He sighed, pushing himself up and moving to a chair. He had to pretend to be normal, or Molly would keep on with her campaign that Sirius wasn't suited to raising a child. Not that he'd ever thought he could do it in the first place. It had first been Lily's idea, then James's; Sirius was just along for the ride. 

James had a sixth sense for his location, he was sure of it. It was the only explanation he could think of for why James entered Grimmauld Place and immediately headed for the dining room, throwing open the door with an excited shout of, "Sirius!" A few people were trailing him-- Harry, Remus, Dora, Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, and Ginny-- but it was obvious that they were there for James, not Sirius. Not that Sirius minded, he wasn't exactly good company. James either didn't notice or didn't care, because he walked right up to Sirius and took the chair next to him, scooting closer and throwing an arm around his shoulders as casually as he ever had. "I'm alive! I know you already knew that, but it took these fuckers three days to make it official. Don't you think they should have been able to put it together before then? It's kinda obvious." Fred, George, and Ginny all went to the kitchen, and Dora followed them after glancing at Remus. 

"I think they were making sure you were going to stay that way," Remus said, leaning against the wall. 

James waved a hand dismissively. "Whatever. But in even better news, your case is going through!" 

A pause. 

"I thought you'd be more excited about that." 

Sirius shrugged. 

"You'll be able to move," Harry said. "I know you hate it here." 

"Eh." Of course he hated it here. He kind of hated it everywhere. 

"Which brings up a very good question. Why are you staying here?" James asked. 

"Dumbledore thought it was a good idea." 

"I'm sure he did," James said flatly. "That doesn't explain why you didn't bugger off to one of your houses." 

"You have other houses?" Harry asked. 

Sirius shook his head. "They're Potter properties." 

"Right, which means they're yours. Honestly Si, it's like you're not paying attention. This place is depressing. I think we should pack up and go to the one with the sheep farm next door. Or at least, it _used_ to have a sheep farm next door. I suppose they could've moved, but Mrs. Smith seemed very fond of those things, it's hard to imagine she left. Anyways, there's a pond, the woods, and plenty of green. Anything would be an upgrade from this dismal place-- honestly, who thought this decoration was a good idea?-- but it's by far the prettiest." 

Sirius shrugged James's arm off of him, not looking at him so he wouldn't have to see the confused expression that doubtlessly crossed his face. "Yeah, well you and Harry can go live there and visit when you get the time." 

"Why wouldn't you come with us?" James asked, innocently confused. 

"I'm a fugitive, remember?" 

"Yeah, but that's not going to last." 

"You could come with us anyways," Harry said hopefully. "It's not as if Ministry officials are going to be dropping by, right?" 

"See? The prongslet makes a good point. You, me, Harry, maybe Remus if he stops being such a tosser about everything," James said, shooting a pointed look in Remus's direction. "It'll be great." 

"Yeah erm," Sirius swallowed, getting to his feet. "No thanks. You'll be fine on your own." He ruffled Harry's hair as he passed, not making eye contact with anyone as he went up to Buckbeak's room. 

James watched Sirius leave, frowning and beyond confused. He shot Harry a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, he gets in moods sometimes. We can look at some of the houses tomorrow, if you like?" 

"Er, sure. Are you sure he's okay?" Harry asked worriedly. 

"Yeah, he's fine." James gave him another smile, but he grabbed Remus's arm when he left the room, not letting go until they were alone in the sitting room. "Do you know what's wrong with him?" he asked quietly. 

"He was in Azkaban for over a decade," Remus replied, keeping his voice low as well. "He thought you were dead that entire time, and he's in hiding. He's never dealt well with being cooped up, and you know full well that you're the one thing he could never stand to lose. He's not... honestly James, there's so much that's wrong with him right now, I can't list it all." 

James blew out a breath, running a hand through his hair and making it stick up even more. "Right, I know, it's just. During the war and Harry being born and everything, he used to pretend that everything was fine. I guess I was expecting for him to be more like that." 

"Ten years without you," Remus reminded him. "He's not okay. Go bloody talk to him before he starts brooding for the next week." 

Remus expected for James to immediately turn and make his way up the stairs, but James stood there, chewing on his lip. "Are we even still married? It's. Y'know. Twelve years is a long time, he may not- I mean- what if he doesn't love me anymore?" 

"I can't answer that for him." 

"Right." James was worried about more, like how the hell he was supposed to raise Harry when he was only five years older than him now. He didn't know how the hell a relationship between him and Sirius would work even if Sirius _did_ still want it to happen, because James was fifteen years younger than him. He didn't know if he was still considered Lord Potter or not. He didn't know how he'd manage to deal with any of this shite if Sirius wanted to go back to just being friends. How was James supposed to act around him if that happened? He couldn't imagine ever not being in love with him. 

He stood there for another minute, then shook his head defeatedly. When had Sirius ever listened to him? But he wasn't going to let that stop him from trying, so he trudged up the stairs, passing house elf heads that he wanted to rip down. Or maybe he just wanted to burn the whole arse place down, which was as much as it deserved. 

Sirius's door was open, and he was nowhere to be found inside. Harry had mentioned that Sirius spent most of his time with Buckbeak, so James went to the hippogriff's room next. Sure enough, Sirius was there, stroking his feathers. James wasn't great with hippogriffs, so he kept his gaze averted and stayed in the doorway. "Hey. Can I talk to you for a minute?" 

"Sure." Sirius gave Buckbeak a pat on the back then left, closing the door behind him. "What's up?" 

"Erm, in private? I don't want anyone walking up." 

Sirius shrugged, like he really couldn't care. 

James reminded himself that Sirius had defenses, and he couldn't expect to get past them just because he felt like he should be allowed through. James and Remus were sharing a room, and it was closer than the one Sirius was staying in, so James led him there. He cast a silencing spell but didn't bother to lock it since being interrupted wasn't the biggest issue, it was them being overheard. James wasn't about to pour his heart out where one of the kids could eavesdrop. "If I ask you one question, will you answer completely honestly?" 

Sirius looked at him for a long moment. It used to be that Sirius would say 'yes of course' as soon as James finished asking. "One," he agreed. 

James swallowed down the hurt that came from the carefully guarded answer. "How do you feel about me?" 

Sirius's eyes sharpened. "I can't believe you even have to ask." 

"I can't believe it either, but you don't want to live with me and Harry. You know him better than me, I could use some back up. Besides, I'm- what, five years older than him right now? Six? I'm more like an older brother than a father. And _you_ \- okay, I don't know the hell you've been through. I don't understand it and I know I never will, but I love you and you're acting like you don't care. Are we still married? Do you want to pretend that we never were? And why the _fuck_ are you staying here? Because Dumbledore said so? You don't belong here. We should get everyone out and tear it down brick by brick. There are plenty of other places to have a safehouse, and none of them are buildings that you were abused in. When I got you out the first time, I told you that you'd never have to come back, and I meant it." 

"Are you done?" 

"Hardly, but it looks like you have something to say." 

"I love you, but I don't think we fit. That's how I feel about you. I would die for you, but I'm not going to drag you down with me." 

"Drag me down? Is that really what you think you'd be doing? No offense Sirius, but I just came back from the dead and I'm not going to let something like this ruin us. You don't want to be with me? Say so, and I'll leave you alone. But if you think you're sparing me or some shite, I'm going to smother you with love until you remember what it feels like." 

Sirius sighed. "James, it's not that simple-" he broke off with a surprised squeak as James wrapped him up in a tight hug. "Er, what are you doing?" 

"Smothering you with love, step one," James grit out. "Good luck getting rid of me now, you tosser." 

* * *

After that, James stuck to Sirius's side like glue. Half the time he let him have his own space, but the other half of the time, he was aggressively cuddling him. 

"Sirius, I've heard you're thinking about moving," Dumbledore said, and James snorted. 'Thinking about moving' his arse, they were literally in the middle of packing up things from Sirius's old bedroom. "I know you are displeased with your isolation, but the protections here-" 

"Are absolute shite compared to the ones where we're going. You don't have to have Sirius watching the Order's headquarters, and he's not going to get caught staying anywhere else. So long as he's not walking down the street as is, he'll be fine." 

"I know that the two of you must have missed each other terribly-" 

"Let me stop you right there. I appreciate everything you've done in the fight against Voldemort, and I do value the help you've given everyone in the past. But things are different now." They weren't a whole bunch of clueless kids trying desperately to keep their freedom. James wasn't much smarter now, if he was honest, but Sirius needed for him to take a firmer stand. "I'm not going to change my mind on this, and all you're going to accomplish if you keep pushing it, is making me mad. We'll stay in touch, okay?" It was obvious that James couldn't care less what Dumbledore's response to that was going to be, James was going to do what he wanted no matter what the old man said. 

* * *

James and Sirius were sharing a bed. In theory. James woke up early the first morning to find that Sirius had already gone downstairs. That happened for the next couple of days. Sirius was gone, James went to find him, and Sirius was in the kitchen frying up some eggs while reading a book. He wasn't sure if Sirius was actually reading the book or if he wanted an excuse not to talk. 

James woke up in the middle of the night-- one a.m. according to the clock-- to an empty bed. He sighed, throwing off the blankets. He'd thought this entire time that Sirius was just waking early, but maybe it's that he wasn't staying there at all, instead waiting until James fell asleep to go somewhere else. He started shuffling towards the door, rubbing at his eyes when he tripped over something. A very large, human shaped something. "Sirius?" 

He'd woken up when James ran into him. "Yeah," he rasped. 

James sat down on the floor next to him. It was too bloody early to be awake, let alone having a conversation. "What're you doing?" 

"I _was_ sleeping." 

"On the ground?" 

Sirius didn't answer. 

James leaned forward and rested his forehead on Sirius's shoulder. "Will you please just come to bed?" 

Sirius sighed, and the motion moved James's head along with him. 

"Please?" 

"Fine." It was a far cry from the enthusiasm James wanted, but they were working with baby steps. Sirius achingly pushed himself up, rolled over to the bed, crawled up, then said, "Happy?" 

James got back in, snuggling against him. "Getting there. Is the bed uncomfortable? We can get a new one." 

He said nothing, and James took that to mean this was another one of those ways that Sirius was punishing himself. Their bed was pretty firm as it was, so he doubted they'd have to actually get a new one. 

* * *

James stood his ground, unflinching in the face of ten aurors on his doorstep. "Can I see the warrant?" he asked, holding out a hand expectantly. They wouldn't be able to get past unless he let them, and they wouldn't get permission until he saw the warrant was in order. Harry was squirming nervously behind him, probably wondering if he should give Sirius a heads-up so he could get out. Fortunately, it wasn't going to come to that. James took one glance at it, handed it back, and said, "Nope." 

"No?" 

"It's a search warrant for Sirius Black, and there isn't one of those living." 

The auror in charge of the group gave an aggravated sigh. "Mister Potter, do you understand that denying us entrance after a properly served warrant is-" 

"Is a whole bunch of nothing because your warrant doesn't apply. Who else are you going to try to find? Orion Black? Gideon Prewett? Merlin himself?" 

The auror got a _very_ confused look and said, "Sir?" 

"Sirius Black stopped existing on the twenty-eighth of March in nineteen-seventy-seven; you can take it up with your boss," James said, then shut the door. 

Harry frowned up at him when he turned around. "Really?" 

"Yes?" 

"I'm confused. Why isn't he Sirius Black?" 

"Oh, well me and Sirius got married the day after my seventeenth birthday, and he changed his last name to Potter." James ruffled Harry's hair as he passed. 

"...oh. I knew you were together," although that had been a pretty startlingly realisation when he found out a couple months ago, "I just didn't know you were _married_ together."

"Yep." 

"What are we going to do when they come back with a warrant with the right name?" 

"Well this is where it gets risky. Hopefully they'll realise that they need to reevaluate the case, and from there they'll either realise that he never had a trial or that he was framed. Either way will work just fine for me, but the risk is in if they actually bother to look. But I wouldn't worry about it, we should hear before one of them happens and be able to plan for it." 

"Not complaining, but I think you're setting a bad example," Harry said, amused. 

"What? How am I setting a bad example? I'm teaching you how to follow the letter of the law and to take care of the ones you love." 

"Mostly you're teaching me how to break the law." 

James gaped at him. "I most certainly am not! Sirius," he said when he came into the room, "I'm not setting a bad example, am I?" 

Sirius looked at James, then Harry, then back. "Er, no?" 

"You're a filthy traitor," James accused with fake severity, walking over to give him a hug. 

"He's teaching me how to break the law," Harry informed Sirius, jumping into the hug happily. 

"Oh James, how could you. Woe is me. A criminal son following in his criminal father's footsteps. I will never survive from this shock to my composure." In a more serious voice, he said, "Haz, why don't you go finish writing that letter to Ron?" 

"Alright," he said, holding on for another few seconds. 

In a quiet tone, just to make sure that Harry didn't overhear, Sirius said, "You shouldn't lie to him." 

"It was just some teasing." 

"Not that. The part where you keep convincing him that I'm going to get my name cleared." 

"You _are_." 

"Great, you're delusional," Sirius muttered. 

James hugged him again, tighter this time. 

"What are you doing?" 

"You're making me sad, so you're getting a hug until I feel better. Normally I would do it until _you_ feel better, but you're awfully resilient to being happy." 

"I'm not resilient to being happy," Sirius mumbled. 

"The fact that you honestly think that makes it so much worse." James tilted his head to the side and kissed Sirius's cheek. Sirius was good with the occasional, quick kiss and hugs now. He had stopped trying to run out of bed before James woke up, so that was an improvement. Everything else physical was still miles away, but James didn't mind. Mostly what he minded was that Sirius wasn't happy. He'd been like this after a summer with his family, and each time he came back for a new year at Hogwarts was like working from scratch. This was the same as that, only times one hundred since Sirius hadn't had any breaks in between and he'd been in Azkaban. "I love you." 

Sirius swallowed thickly, enough that James could heart it happen. "I erm. I do too. For you. Y'know?" 

"Yeah sweetheart, I know." James kissed his cheek again, then let go, beaming at him with a brightness he didn't necessarily feel. "Let's try making cookies again, I think we almost got it last time." 

* * *

Sirius grinned at James, scooping him up in a hug that made James's feet lift off the floor. James laughed and held on, knowing from experience that if he didn't, he'd get flung around. "Is it just me, or does the air smell sweeter now that I am officially, completely free?" 

"Hmm." James sniffed at the air. "I think the air's sweeter." 

Sirius kissed him, set him on the ground gently, then kissed him again. "Thanks for sticking with me." 

"Any time," James said, completely meaning it. 

"And thanks for forcing me to have some human contact so I'd feel better." 

James's smile widened. "Any time." 

"I can't believe you never gave up on me," Sirius muttered, resting their foreheads together. 

"I can't believe you thought I ever could." 

"You literally came back from the dead to take care of me. You have to admit, that's a whole new level of protective." 

"You're worth it." 

**Author's Note:**

> This is from a prompt driven blog @[imaginejamesandsirius](https://imaginejamesandsirius.tumblr.com) on tumblr. Feel free to drop by!


End file.
